


The Dauntless Born Initiate

by musicinmymind13



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Eric/ OC, F/M, Initiation, dauntless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 10:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2020827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicinmymind13/pseuds/musicinmymind13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is it. I'm home, where I belong. I know I can fit in. This will be a new start for me. Truly, I know I'm really Dauntless.</p><p> Jess is not your typical Dauntless-born initiate. While going through initiation, she catches the eye of a leader... Eric.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home

I don't think. I just jump. The wind pierces my skin as I fall down. I have no control over myself as I free fall down. I can't scream. I can't laugh. I can't breathe. Something catches me suddenly. The breath I held in as I fell is released. This is it. I'm home, where I belong.

Arms are extended from every direction of the net I lay in. I grab the first one I see to get me out. They pull roughly, jolting me from the net. I stumble forward and fall on the ground. "Initiate, over here!" a deep male's voice calls to me. I look over from where I came. Four, who transferred to Dauntless a few years ago, stands, arms crossed, staring right at me. I lift myself up and walk over to him.

"Dauntless born?" I nod silently. "Have we met?" He asks. This time I shake my head. Not to many people have. "What's your name then?" I speak my name boldly. "Jess." "I stand patiently as I see someone else fly down from where I jumped. "Third jumper, Jess!" He announces then sends me a look that I can't read, before he turns back to the open net. The crowd of Dauntless around us erupt in cheers.

Eventually, when what I assume to be everyone, including the new transfers, has come down Four speaks again. "Transfers, come with me." He begins walking through the doors. I watch as the group of transfers rush to catch up with his fast pace. The Dauntless life style will take some getting use to for them... It will take some getting use to for me. "Dauntless-borns, you're lucky enough to get stuck with me. I hope you don't need a tour." Lauren says to my group. They all laugh. I take this time to examine who stayed in Dauntless. Lynn, Uriah, Taylor, Marlene, Alex, Jacob and Jorden are the only other Dauntless-born initiates this year, it appears.

Lauren begins to walk towards the dining hall. We walk in silence down the pitch black hallway that I walk through everyday. The rest of the initiates ignore me, as always. All the other Dauntless kids I went to school with and I had an unspoken agreement: I don't talk to them, they don't talk to me. I like it best that way. Suddenly the people in front of me stop. I nearly slam into Alex, who is walking in front of me.

"Now before we go to dinner, there's a few points I need to cover. Number one is, there is to be no communicating with your families. Initiation is designed to make you independent and that's not going to happen if you go crying to them every time you have a problem. At meals, you are not to sit with them." I nod along with the other initiates. I knew of this rule and it would have been the same even if I chose a different faction. But my results were Dauntless, and I know that truly I belong here.

"Number two: Training begins at 8 tomorrow morning. I don't want you even a minute late." Again, we all nod in response. "And lastly, no leaving the compound without a full Dauntless member. This isn't my rule, but I am required to enforce it. So, I hope none of you will run into any of these problems, if so you'll find yourself facing the consequences. Now, you can go eat. Pick up your stuff after dinner. That will be your only chance." With that, Lauren steps out of the way, allowing us to enter the dining hall.

* * *

I view the dining hall with new eyes as I walk in. The comfort of being able to sit with my mom and little sister is gone. I made a promise with myself before the Choosing Ceremony though; If I were to stay here, I'd challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone. So that's what I'm going to do. I scan the room for a place to sit. There is an empty spot with the other initiates. That's where I decide to begin conquering my fears. I hold my head up and walk to where they sit. I'm greeted by stares. "Hey Jess!" Uriah's friendly smile welcomes me. I give him a small quick smile before sitting down.

They carry on with a conversation. "Do you think the Stiff will last?" Alex begins. "I'm surprised she even got on the train, let alone jumped first." Lynn grumbles. Their conversation goes on about the transfers, while I eat my hamburger. I listen, but don't join in, as usual. "Jess, have you heard anything about initiation?" Uriah asks, attempting to invite me in the conversation. I shake my head. "No, sorry. I think Eric might be overseeing it though. I heard he did last year." I mumble off.

"That would just be great." Taylor laughs back sarcastically. "Does anyone want any cake? I'm going to get some." Uriah stands up. Soon the whole table is requesting Uriah to bring some. "Fine," he sighs, "It won't be my fault if I drop it though!" My fellow initiates laugh. I let out a small laugh as well.  _I know I can fit in. This will be a new start for me._


	2. New Start

"As you probably guessed, we will be training separately from the Transfers. You will be ranked with them however. And I don't want you to think any less of them just cause they weren't born here. Some of the bravest, strongest members were transfers." Lauren pauses and her eyes pass through all of us. "To begin today, I want five laps from all of you."

The second she finishes speaking Lynn immediately begins running. Shortly after, we all follow her. I do my best to keep up with the group. Besides having to get on trains, I avoided running as much as possible before. I know I need to get in better shape to become like the other members of Dauntless.

After the third lap I'm several meters behind my fellow initiates and exhausted. Each minute I become further behind. My legs continue to pump. As I pass by where we started the run, I notice Eric has joined Lauren. _Great._ I think to myself. Although I'd never admit it to anyone, out of all the leaders Eric is the one who scares me the most. I don't know if it's his height or strength, but what ever it is, he's very intimidating.

Before I know it, I'm nearly a whole lap behind everyone else. "Faster initiate!" Lauren growls out. She doesn't even need to say my name for me to know who she's talking about. My breathing becomes heavy as I strides become shorted. Despite this, I continue to push myself.

While I still have one lap remaining, all the other initiates have finished. I feel awkward as they watch me finish up. My legs ache. Each stride I take I become more determined to finish. The last few steps I push as hard as I can. When I finish, I nearly collapse with exhaustion. I rub head and eyes dry of sweat as I lean against the wall, trying to even my breathing.

"Initiate, over here." I look up to find Eric standing in front of me, with his signature scowl. My heart beat picks up again. He waits as I stand up completely before placing a hand lightly on the top of my back. He begins to guide us over to the other side of the training gym. When we get far enough away from the others, he stops with his arms crossed.

"That was pathetic initiate." His eyes glare at me. "I did my best. Sorry." I mumble. He rolls his eyes in response. "Should you go train with the transfers? Maybe that Stiff might be at your pace." I don't even respond. He's not looking for an answer. "I'll be better next time." I attempt to end the conversation.

"You better be. You can't be wasting Lauren or the other initiate's time." He spits out at me. "You'll be staying after training today, until I decide you won't be a deterrence to the training for tomorrow." I nod quickly. "Go work on guns with the rest." He orders and points to where Uriah just perfectly hit a bulls-eye on the target. I scurry away before he can say anything else.

When I get back over to the targets, Lauren hands me a gun. "You know how to use it?" I nod quickly. Although I've never actually fired one, I've seen people do it hundreds of time. I walk over to the empty target next to Jordon and prepare myself to fire. I spread my feet apart and keep my back straight with my arms locked. Before releasing the trigger, I take a deep breath. When I let the breath out, I fire. I take another breath before I see where the bullet landed.

Much to my luck, there is an indention in the target. Several inches from the center, but still, I managed to hit in on my first try. Before I allow myself to celebrate, I fire again to see if I can make it closer. My second attempt hit near the edge.

By lunch time, I've only missed two shots and hit the center once. I let myself feel proud over this small accomplishment. That is until after lunch and I discover we will be working on fighting technique. My happy mood is wiped away.

I'm relieved when I come back to the training room and Eric is not there. I assume he watches the transfers in the afternoon.

Lauren walks us through some punches and technical ways to kick. When we move on to the punching bags is when I struggle. I notice everyone else's bags move when they hit them. Mine barely budges. I look around to make sure I am doing it correctly, which it appears I am. I keep trying and put as much strength behind the punches and kicks as I can.

Lauren walks through us, commenting on our performance. "Zeke's shown you all of this, I can see." She laughs to Uriah. Zeke is Uriah's older brother. They are obviously very close. Whenever I see them together, they're laughing.

"Your form is good, but try to hit it harder. Put all the power you have into each punch. And make sure your stepping through each one. That will help a lot." I nod then try again. Even with adding the step, the bag hardly moves. I keep practicing though, knowing that's the only way to make it any better.

By the end of the day, my wrist and ankles ache from the kicks and punches. All I can imagine is putting cold ice on them to make them feel better. Once Lauren dismisses us, I join some of the others in walking back to the dormitory. They make jokes as we walk through the Pit. I see the clothing store my mom works at and think about stopping in, but then I remember what Lauren said yesterday and continue walking.

* * *

 

When I get into the dormitory, my bed looks like the best thing in the whole world. I plop down on it, not caring about my shoes or anything. My body feels like felting into the mattress. I let my mind wander away from absolutely everything

That is until a roar of my name awakes me. I sit up immediately, to find Eric standing in the doorway. Before he even says anything, I know why he's here: I forgot about staying after training like he told me too. Everyone's eye stare at me and I just want to hide.

I quickly rush out, followed by Eric. "Did you enjoy your little nap?" He snarls. I mumble back a quick apology. We walk to the training room in silence.

"I know your awful at running, but are you as weak at everything?" We stand in the center of the training room. "Um..." I shrug my shoulders, not knowing how to answer. "Go to the bags, and show me." He orders and I listen. I demonstrate the same punches Lauren showed earlier. "Let's start here then. Push ups. Now." I listen and get down on my back with my knees bent. I begin to sit up when Eric stops me. "You seriously don't know how to do a push up? That's a sit up." I feel my cheeks get warm with embarrassment. Of course I know how to do a push up; I just got the two mixed up. I turn over before he can say anything else. I do a few of the exercises when my arms begin to shake. I don't dare to stop though, with Eric standing over me.

I don't count how many I've done, but after several minutes, my arms collapse underneath me. Eric sighs...loudly. I waste no time in getting back up. "Come on initiate." I block out his voice as I push myself up. Doing even one more feels difficult. Again, when I finally get all the way up, I fall. My arms shake and feel like I can't move them.

I ignore every thought telling my to do more and lay down flat. "Stand up." Eric demands with a heavy sigh. "You're embarrassing to watch." He says while I slowly stand up. When I'm fully up he looks me in the eyes, trying to intimidate me.  _Be Dauntless,_ I remind myself. "You did less than fifty. That's  _weak_. We'll try something different tomorrow after training. When you get good at that, you can go back to doing push ups. Now, time to work on your running. Let's go." Before I even have time to relax for a second he takes off running, leaving me to follow.

My legs are already tired from training. He leads me out through the hall and towards the end, near the stairwell then stops. "You're going to climb the stairs, up then down. Until I say." He gestures towards the stairs and I begin.

If I thought the running was hard earlier, that was nothing compared to this. My whole legs burn. "Faster!" Eric yells from the ground whenever I slow down for just a second. I pump my legs harder and harder, determined to make be finished. Each time I make it back down Eric just makes me do it again.

Finally when my legs feel like jello, I'm allowed to leave. I don't head towards dinner, where I know all the other initiates will be. I head straight back to my bed and fall asleep sore but peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: This chapter would have been out yesterday, but my wrist was too sore to type. I've had color guard/band camp all week and I'm really exhausted. I haven't spun rifle before this week so that's interesting. But I'm up to 33 drop spins, so YAY!  
> That's also the reason I had poor Jess do so much training in this chapter. We've been doing a lot of running and sit ups and weird rifle arm strengthening thingys. So, I decided to have Jess feel some of the exhastion as well... hehehe!
> 
> -Em


	3. Chapter 3

I sleep dreamless. That is, until I feel a splash of something cold on my face. I jump awake instantly. Much to my surprise, Eric stands there beside me, with a cup of water only half fill. The other half drips down my face. "I have a meeting after training, so I was feeling generous and decided to give you training time before." I wipe the water off of my face. "Sorry 'bout that. I thought you wouldn't have liked it if I woke anyone else up. I think you have enough problems as it is." He smirks at me. "Be in the Pit in two minutes." Eric leaves the dorm, giving me time to change.

I throw on basic training gear and hurry out towards the Pit. I stop to find Eric standing near the middle of the pit; his back straight and his foot tapping the ground. I jog over to him. Besides us, the Pit is nearly empty, except for a few shop workers. Judging by the lack of people, it can't be after seven in the morning.

"I won't help you any extra after tomorrow. So if you think that I'm trying to help you get through initiation, you're wrong." He spits out at me. I nod silently. He begins walking towards the side where hallways lead off. I follow, unaware where he's going.

Suddenly, he stops near the entrance of a hallway. "See that pipe." He points to the thick one above us. "Jump up and hang from it for two minutes." I stare at him for a moment, too tired to feel like doing anything... especially not that. "Any day now." He sighs and gestures to the pipe running along the ceiling.

I bend my legs and force them up, jumping. My finger tips barely grab the metal pipe. I readjust them as I'm hanging. The metal is cold against my bare hands. My body hangs down limp. I feel my arm muscles tighten. My whole upper body begins to shake as I strain to hold myself up. I won't let myself drop though.

I don't count the seconds as I hang, thinking it will only make it worse. Someone walks down the hallway towards us. As the lady walks by she smirks at me, then continues walking. It isn't anything out of the ordinary to see initiates training during this time of the year. "One minute." Eric announces, although it feels like I've been here for much longer.

My finger tips slide and I have to grab on again quickly so I don't fall. My arms shake and feel like giving up. I can do this. I'm Dauntless. I repeat to myself as a mantra over and over. Another person comes by, but I'm too focused on holding on to pay attention. "Jess." It's the voice I could recognize from miles away. It's my mom. I look down to see her offer my a sympathetic smile before leaving, going to work in the infirmary. Eric shoots her a glare as she walks away.

My mother has always been supportive and warmhearted, but even she knows of the Dauntless initiation process. She's told me stories of her own and how she met my dad during it. He transferred from Candor, although he nor anyone else is expected to bring that up. After initiation, he started working at the fence. Because of that, I only see him ever few weeks. But I love each of them so much.

This time when my fingers slip, I know I can't stay up any longer. I prepare my legs as I land on the ground. I shake my arms out, that now feel like rubber. I take turns massaging each one. I know they will be sore for a while. The muscles have been strained.

"That wasn't awful." Eric speaks directly. That was the longest two minutes. I think to myself. "How was it?" His grin mocks me. "I don't know," I barely mumble my response. "What was that?" He stands taller. I mutter my answer again. He chuckles sarcastically for a second then his face goes stern. "Did you get Dauntless on your aptitude test?" He growls at me. I step back then nod. "Start acting like one then." He spits out. I feel my eyes sting with humiliation. I won't let tears come out. I can't. "That means answering to people, especially your instructors and leaders. Do you understand that?"

I nod and he raises his eyebrows, giving me a look. "Yes." I speak boldly. "Good. Let's run then." He steps off, leading the way. "Keep up." He yells back to me. We run through the compound and then outside. Each step I count in my head. 1,2,3,4. I keep a pace so I don't fall behind. The wind rushes through my long brown hair as we jog through the city. After a couple right turns we take, I realize we are only going in a large circle.

For the most part, I'm proud at my running today. Although I get out of breath, my pace is more easily maintained than yesterday. As we make it back into the compound I feel relived, only to be reminded that I have another full day of training ahead of me. "You were slightly better today. Two and a half miles and five minutes of hanging. Not to impressive, but still better." My mouth nearly drops agape. Of course that was longer than two minutes. "Go get breakfast." He dismisses me and I don't wait another second before leaving.

* * *

 

I sit next to Uriah, Lynn, and Marlene again. "I hate those beds." Marlene sighs as she picks at her fruit. I remember what Eric said about being more Dauntless and join in the conversation. "I was too tired to notice anything." I yawn and take a bite of my pancake.

"Where were you this morning?" Uriah asks between bites of his food. "Eric hates me." I let out a short laugh. No one asks anymore about it. "I could help you if you want. We could practice together after training whenever." He suggest. I smile and nod. "Thank you."

Training consist of mostly the same activities as yesterday, only this time I'm already exhausted. Lauren and Eric watch us closely as we run our laps. I focus on finding a rhythm as I run. This helps me stay with the group better.

When we finish and I'm only a couple feet behind of everyone else. I allow myself to smile at my improvement. Next, we move onto knives throwing. Lauren demonstrates the proper way to throw them and I watch attentively.

We all grab a few knives and spread out al0ng the targets. I go through and count in my mind like I did for running. One. I angle my body slightly to the right of the target. Two. I pull back the knife behind my head. My arms burn. Three. I breathe in. Four. I release the knife and my breath.

I keep my eye on the blade as it spins through the air, then plants itself in the edge of the target. Not as close as the bullet, but I managed to get close and hit it. "Nice one Jess!" Uriah loudly congratulates me, then gestures his eyes to Lauren and Eric who stop their conversation to look at me. "Again." Lauren shouts back, not any recognizing of my achievement. I nod then do as she says.

The next couple times, I get closer and closer, until I run out of knives to throw. The only one's who have done better than me are Uriah and Taylor. They've nearly made all of theirs in the center. Everyone else is decent at throwing them as well, but have had a couple not stick.

"After lunch, the fights will start. I'll let you see the matches now, and then you'll have an hour before lunch to brush up on your skills." Lauren then shows us the board displaying who will be fighting who. I spot my name third on the list paired against Lynn. Both of our eyes each find each other. She sighs angrily then turns away towards a punching bag.

Today as I attempt at punching the bag, its worse than yesterday. My arms are already unbelievably sore, but I pour all my anger into my punches. I throw one and remember Lauren ignoring me earlier and punch harder. Then the imagine of Eric embarrassing me yesterday comes to my mind. My punches come rapidly, each one after the previous. I don't waste a second in between them. I zoom everything out and for the first time since the choosing ceremony, I relax.

* * *

 

All of my fellow initiates sit together at lunch. Jokes are passed around about the fights that will take place later. "I hope you're ready to loose!" Taylor taunts Alex. He scrunches his nose at her then they both laugh. I feel grateful that Lynn isn't the type to joke about it, because I know she will beat me truly. Although I'm almost as tall as her, she's more muscular and I just don't have a good feeling about winning.

As I chew on my my chicken, suddenly Uriah's older brother comes over. Before anyone can say anything, Zeke slams a piece of cake in Uriahs face. The chocolate smears across his face. A gasp is heard from our whole table. In an instant when the shock is gone, we all start laughing. Uriah on the other hand, stands up and begins chasing his brother around the room. Lynn lets out a cheer and the rest of my table begins shouting. "Uriah!" I let out a laugh. On the other side of the room, Uriah manages to jump upon Zeke's back.

By now, everyone is watching the chaos. Uriah has Zeke tackled when he begins to slowly wipe the chocolate off of his face. His hand then smacks the remains of cake all through Zeke's hair. I don't even attempt to hide my laughter at this. I'm suddenly reminded of why I chose Dauntless. I didn't choose it because of the risk factor or adrenaline. I chose Dauntless because I can be free here. I couldn't imagine not having that. Dauntless is my home.


	4. Chapter 4

I walk slowly into the fighting ring. Lynn stretches her arms behind her back, preparing for the fight. "You know the rules. Start when you're ready." Lauren sighs from the edge of the ring. Lynn advances towards me and I move my arms down into a defensive position. My arms are locked and I'm prepared to duck as she throws a punch my way. I dodge it by merely an inch. At the same time, she pulls out her left knee, hitting me in the eye and causing my to stumble backward a few steps. I waste no time regaining my balance.

The next punch she throws, I dodge successfully. I freeze for a moment as I debate with myself what to do next. I sweep my right leg out in front of me, to knock her down. She trips over slightly. As I mumble a quick apology, her hands push against my shoulders, successfully knocking me down. Within an instant, Lynn has me pinned down. I struggle to get her off of me, but it doesn't work. For a last attempt I move my arms and legs forcefully. She lets out a growl then slams my arms down with her elbows. All efforts to move are useless.

Lynn holds me there for a few moments then calls out. "Are we done?" She spits out to Lauren. "Are either one of you unable to continue?" Lauren shoots back sarcastically. I lie still, looking straight up at the ceiling as they argue. "I have her pinned down. She won't be getting back up, unless I move." As Lynn speaks, she pushes down on my already sore shoulders with more force than necessary. I nearly let out a cry of pain. I'm Dauntless. I remind myself.

"Stand up." Lauren sighs. Lynn hops up quickly. My hands instantly move to massage my shoulders. My left first, then my right one. "Jess, are you able to stand?" Lauren asks curtly. "Yes." I speak my answer loudly, remembering what Eric scolded me for earlier. Slowly, I get to my feet.

"There's your answer, Lynn. Both of you are able to continue." She motions her hand for us to begin again. Lynn waste no time. Before I even have time to think, she's charging towards me. I'm thrown onto the ground once again. While I begin to scurry up a painful kick is sent to my right shin. I scream in pain, unable to contain it. Lynn kicks again and there's nothing I can do to prevent it. My leg aches, but she keeps kicking in the same place. One last scream of anger and pain and frustration is released from me before Lauren calls off the fight.

I pull my injured leg up to my chest and cry. Breathe. I take a deep breath and try to hold back my tears. I notice Lynn walk off the mat and join everyone else. Lauren takes her time walking to me. "You're fine." She pats me lightly on the back, as a sign to stand up. I shake my head then rub my eyes. "It hurts." I mumble. Lauren lets out a loud sigh. I know she's getting annoyed and I don't want to find out what happens when she gets annoyed, so I attempt to stand. I bit my mouth shut as I begin to place weight on my right leg. Within a moment I know that there's no way that I'm walking. Lauren figures this out shortly too.

"Uriah! Take Jess to the infirmary." She calls Uriah over to help me. He rushes over in less than a second and effortlessly puts my arm over his shoulder to support me. With his help, I hop out of the training room. "Lynn didn't mean to hurt you, you know." He mentions, his voice with sympathy. I nod, too distracted by the throbbing pain my ankle to say anything. "You did well though. And don't be afraid to fight back, Jess." Again, I nod.

"Ow." My ankle accidentally touches the ground. "This isn't working," Uriah laughs. "I'll just carry you." Before I can protest he has me in his arms. "Are you sure? I'm fine." I mumble. "Absolutely."

After a couple turns throughout the hallways, we arrive in the infirmary. Uriah places me on an empty cot. "Will you be alright? I can stay a bit more, if you want." I shake my head quickly. "No thank you," I give him a smile. "Thanks for the help though." Again, I'm forced to remember about talking to people so I can"act dauntless."

"No problem, Jess," He begins to walk to training. "Good luck!" I sit patiently waiting for assistance once he has left. Momentary, someone comes out from behind a certain that is separating the workers and their supplies from the patients.

"Training?" She asks sympathetically, before I can even speak. I nod in response. "What is it?" Without talking I point to my left ankle, which is now purple, and the lady moves to inspect it. When she touches it I pull my leg back away from her. "Hold still." She chides me. I clench my teeth as she feels it for what seems like forever.

"Luckily for you, its just a bad bruise. The best thing you can do for it is ice it and stay off of it, as much as possible." I nod as she speaks. "You won't have to miss training tomorrow, so that's also good news." A day off would be nice, but at the same time I would hate to get further behind everyone else.

"I'll be right back with an ice pack." She gives me a smile before she hurries off to the back. My mom appears within a minute, instead of the original lady who was helping her. "Mom!" I call out and nearly run over to see her.

"Oh Jessie! What happened?" My mother embraces me in a hug. She steps away and her eyes go to my ankle. "Just training. It's really no big deal." I don't want my mom worrying about me failing initiation. I'm Dauntless and I'm going to make it through. This is just a bump in the road.

"Aw Jess. I knew I should have helped you start practicing a while ago. I just didn't want to have influenced your choice. You never seemed to want to be here." She trails her sentence off. "Mom, no. I'm fine. I just need to practice more. I'll get there soon. I promise." My mom places an icepack on my ankle. The coldness nearly makes me jump, but it soothes the pain almost immediately.

"I know you will. You've always been so brave." We hug again and I let myself forget about everything for this short moment. "But, you better get back to training soon. I don't want any of your instructors after you again." She smiles slightly. I know she's thinking about this morning.

"I love you, Mom."


	5. Fire

My mother leaves to attend to another patient, a middle age lady who won't stop coughing. After holding the ice on my foot for a few minutes, the pain has gone numb. My fighting is done for the day. I have the opportunity to stay here for the rest of the day. As much as I would love to take advantage of possibly my only opportunity to relax for a while, I can't let anyone think I'm too weak for training.

I make up my mind and decide to go back to the training room. Quietly, I leave the ice pack on my cot and limp away.

* * *

As I return to the training room, Marlene is helping Alex up from the ring. A confident smile occupies her face. Other than some bruises, I don't notice any harm done to Alex. I notice Lauren circle Marlene's name on the chalk board. My eyes scan the rest of the board. Lynn's, Uriah's, and Jorden's names are circled as well. This was the last fight of the day. I have finished my second day of Dauntless initiation. Now I just have to survive the rest.

After a few short words from Lauren, we're dismissed. I shuffle out of the room along with Uriah and his friends.

"You seem to be feeling better." Lynn comments briefly.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I say even though its mostly a lie. Although the pain has gone down, it still hurts each time I put my weight on it. After a short pause in the conversation,

Uriah breaks the silence, "Hey! After dinner do you guys want to hang out at the roof?"

The roof is where most of the young Dauntless hang out. Lynn, Marlene and Jorden agree. As much possibility it has of being a new experience, sleeping sounds like a much better idea.

So that's just what I do. After a dinner consisting of a salad and some type of pasta, I head right back to the dormitory and sleep. I use my sore ankle as an excuse to miss out on the festivities upstairs. And I don't regret anything.

* * *

I pant after a long day of training, followed by even more training with Eric. I lost my fight again, but left without any major injuries other than a few large bruises. It was Alex today. I couldn't persuade myself to attack him back. He spent what seemed like hours just punching me once I fell. It was truly probably just a few minutes before Lauren came to the conclusion that I wouldn't get back up and she called off the fight. I was grateful that Eric wasn't there. He'd make it last until I was physically unable to continue.

This plank is the last exercise for the day, then I'm free to go. At least that's what he has said. My whole body throbs, especially where I was hurt from the fights.

"I have a question." Eric's voice is normal, unlike his usual quiet intimidating volume."Lauren says you don't fight back. You just block until you can't and then you just accept your failure. Why?"

I stay in my uncomfortable strengthening exercise as I answer his question. "The fights are unnecessary." My response is short, but that's all I feel I need to say.

"They're unnecessary? Or are you just a  _coward_?" Although his voice is calm, he spits out the word coward.

"The manifesto," I blurt out. " _We do not believe in empty heads, empty mouths, or empty hands. We do not believe that learning to master violence encourages unnecessary violence._ " My arms collapse when I finish reciting it.

I stand up and turn to look at him. His face holds a blank stare at me. "The fights are encouraging us to have empty minds. If I'm going to prosperously hurt someone there better be a good reason, other than someone trying to hide behind too many piercings tells me to." I practically spit my words out to him.

"Even when your future in Dauntless is at stake? I wouldn't feel too comfortable just because you grew up here. There are transfers who are easily better than you." His eyes narrow.

"At fighting, maybe. I can guarantee you none of them are as fearless as I am." I respond back quietly.

Eric's looks at my with a slight amusement and rolls his eyes. Where are these words coming? I never say things like this, especially to people like him. "Oh so let me get this right... The girl who never speaks to anyone, who is terrified of other people, and avoids interacting at all cost is fearless?" He chuckles to himself.

"***Fearless is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.*** And right now I'm ignoring those fears. In matter of fact, I think I'm a lot more brave than someone like you."

After a silence Eric speaks again. "We're done for tonight. I'll be with the Dauntless-born all day tomorrow. You will fight back or I'll be forced to bring up this situation with the rest of my council." My day is ended with the stare from Eric's icy eyes melting me out of the room.

* * *

*****This quote about being fearless was borrowed from Taylor Swift. I couldn't think of a more perfect way to write it. Whenever I tried, this quote kept popping into my mind.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so awful. It's been like forever since I've updated. I'm so sorry! I've just been super busy with field hockey and color guard and school. I was happy to have found time to write this and I hope you enjoy it! Reviews for ideas or suggestions are always much appreciated! Hopefully I'll update again before Christmas! Have a great week! And good luck with finals if you have them this week! I do...


	6. Chapter 6

My heart flutters as I stand in the ring. I feel like I'm going to be sick. This might as well be a final test for me. Who knows what Eric will say to the other leaders if I don't try? I could be factionless by the end of the day if I don't fight. But how can I fight back when its Uriah who I'm up against?

This is just punishment for what I said yesterday, I tell myself. There's no way that being up against him is a coincidence. The smile he gives me is meant to be comforting but in reality it makes me feel more unease. I can't do this. Uriah is my friend.

Before I have time to become more nervous I hear the whistle, signaling to start the fight. I sense Eric's eyes tracking my every step as Uriah and I circle each other. My heart beat picks up as I slowly pull back my arm. Don't think. Just do. I remind myself.

My body falls to the ground as Uriah tackles me. I don't even get the opportunity to throw my punch. I try my hardest to wiggle away. I can't give up after yesterday. An idea strikes me. From where I'm pinned, I use all my strength to push him off. Like the exercises that Eric forced me to do, I send the weight through my arms lifting me off the ground. Although I'm only strong enough to get Uriah and myself a few inches from the floor, its all I need. I jump up and to the side of Uriah. As he regains his balance and footing on the ground, I send a kick towards him, causing me to cower. Tears build up in my eyes. Why? I cry to myself. In an instant I've fallen back on the ground and give up. I make no effort to move as I wait for the fight to be over.

"You're alright, Jess." I hear a stern whisper in my ear from Uriah. He has me in a pin. "I'm sorry." I shed a tear. I shouldn't have done that. What if I hurt him?

Suddenly the weight is off. Uriah pads out of the fighting ring. I can't help but notice how he rubbed his ribs where I kicked him, which makes me feel only worse. I sit up and quickly try to dry my eyes.

It takes only seconds before Eric is by his side. "I didn't know that little Pedrad controlled when fights ended." He hisses at him.

"Yeah, well we were done."Uriah responds nonchalantly. I admire his bravery to speak like that to Eric, but I know it will cost him.

Eric shoots me a look, before his glare returns to Uriah. "Since you two are such great friends, I assume you trust each other?" I inhale a deep breath. I don't like where this is going. Uriah nods in response.

Eric's voice gets loud as he turns to addresses the other initiates. "We're going to take a break. Follow me."

Reluctantly I stand up and walk with my peers. Eric leads us across the training room to where target practice is done. My chest tightens. This can't be good. Suddenly Eric's eyes find mine. "Jess, go stand in front of the target." My mind gets dizzy for a second as realization of what he said hits me. "Now. We don't have all day." He orders. Slowly my unsteady legs walk me towards the target.

"Uriah, you'll throw three knives. Then you two can switch. If I see either of you flinch or even move, both of you will be running laps til your legs have fallen off." As Eric speaks, he places the knives in Uriah's hand. My body stiffens as I wait for what is soon to come my way.

When Uriah walks up to the target a look of dread covers his face. He prepares to throw a knife, bringing his arm back and adjusting the angle. I trust Uriah. I remind myself. I know he won't hit me. I focus on a point across the room behind Uriah. My heart beat picks up as he releases the knife, sending it flying towards me.

I don't even blink as I feel the vibration from the impact above my head. Two more. The next one comes before I prepare for it, which I am grateful for. It remains the same distance from me as the previous one did. My body remains tense as I wait. My eyes find Uriah's as he gets ready to throw it. I watch his hand follow through the motions.

The instant he releases I know from the way his eyes grimace, that it was let go of too soon. The knife spins towards me with an uneven movement. I await the coming pain but I. Don't. Move.

The very next instant, the knife clatters in slow motion in front of me. Inches away from my feet. I exhale a breath that I didn't even know that I was holding in. My stress isn't fully released, knowing that I too will now have to aim knives. Only this time, it will be Uriah standing there instead.

I remove all emotion from my face as I walk towards Uriah. As we pass each other in silence his eyes offer me a sympathetic look. The tension in the room is heavy enough to crush you. Uriah takes his place in front of a target. His body takes up slightly more space, height wise, than mine did. Eric hands me three knives. The knives aren't near as sharp as his glare at me is though.

My heart beat hammers against my chest as I begin counting through the steps One. I fix my stance to make sure its perfect and evenly distribute my weight through both of my feet, despite the throb that occurs when I put to much on my right. Two.I pull my arm back and position the angle. Three. I inhale a great breath. My eyes focus on the spot I want to hit, about a foot above Uriah. Four. My knife is launched through the air. Before I can blink, the tip has lodged itself at the exact point where I planned on it.

I waste no time in between the next throw. Before I release it, I count through the steps in my mind. One, two, three, four. Then it's soaring in the air. The knife hits only a few inches away from Uriah's arm. My hands begin to shake out of fear for what could have happened. Just one more.

I take a second to find Uriah's eyes. His usual bright face is replaced by a serious stare. We both want this to be over. I take my time with the final knife. It can't be as close as the last time. "One more, initiate." Eric's voice spits out to me. It urges me to hurry. One, two, three, four. I watch as the knife finishes to the left of Uriah's head. I let out a sigh of relief. We did it.

"Lauren continue on. I'll take these two." Lauren who hasn't said a word the whole time speaks up now.

"Back to the ring. Taylor and Jorden, you're up." Everyone walks back to the other side of the large training room. Uriah and I stay behind with Eric. When everyone is out of earshot, Eric addresses us.

"Brave," he nods. "But we don't approve of quitters here. Dauntless don't give up. We believe in facing our fears no matter what the cost to our comfort." He looks at me dead in the eyes as he quotes the manifesto.

"When you chose Dauntless at the Choosing Ceremony, you were signing up to follow each and every word on the manifesto. A true Dauntless should succeeded at it without fault. I expect the same for both of you. That means, carrying out all orders and giving your all."  
He takes a pause as he scans across both of our faces. "Okay, start running; down and back."

"What?" We both blurt out almost simultaneously. "We did what you asked!" Uriah argues.

"You flinched. Right as you threw your last knife. It would have had to have been blindfolded to have missed it." He speaks to Uriah, clearly annoyed. "Now go." He gestures for us to begin, so that's just what we do. We shortly find a rhythm with each other and run at an even pace.

After approximately forty minutes my injured ankle begins to hurt as I run and I am desperate for some water. Eric left to supervise the remaining fights, but has been looking our way every few minutes. My pace has significantly slowed down. I push myself to catch up to Uriah.

"How long do you think he'll have us doing this?" I have to take deep breaths in between each word.

"Who knows." Uriah responds briefly.

Eric walks over almost instantly, answering my question. I notice the other initiates walk out of the training room. "Four is going to be supervising you for the rest of the evening as you run. I have a meeting that I need to be at. Go get some water, but be back in 2 minutes."

We waste no time going down to a small water fountain on the other edge of the room. The water offers relief to my dry mouth and tired lungs. Once we both have gotten enough water, we walk back.

"Four won't have us go on for too much longer hopefully. I've known him for years." Uriah assures me. I smile, hoping he is correct.

When we return Four, the guy who helped me out of the net the other day, and Zeke, Uriah's brother are standing there.

"I heard you got in trouble today and I came to see for myself." Zeke laughs while messing up Uriah's hair.

"Shut up!" Uriah jokes back as he tries to fix his hair. Four interrupts the both of them. "Just do five more laps, then I'll let you go. I don't want to be here as much as you don't."

I feel relieved as we take off, to finish our final laps. "Told ya," Uriah says once we are far enough away for them to hear us. I laugh I response.

I'm weak by the last lap, but I continue to run. "You've got this Jess!" Uriah's smile encourages me to keep sprinting. By the time we finish, I collapse on the ground. "I need to lock up in here. Just stop by Eric's office in about an hour and tell him you've finished and ran that whole time." Four shrugs nonchalantly.

I rested for an hour, after stretching out my muscles. These past few days have made me incredibly sore. Uriah stops by to announce that he is going to stop by Eric's office and that he'd like it if I went with him, so he wouldn't have to face Eric alone. I agree to go.

We go through the back passage ways and get to the few offices in Dauntless. Before we knock on the door belonging to Eric's I pause. His voice is talking to someone... and he sounds upset.

"She's Divergent, I'm telling you. She says things that could only come from an Erudite and the way she refuses to hurt people is the most typical trait of an Amity. But yet she's incredibly brave. I've never seen anything like it, Jeanine!"

After a short pause in his voice, I've come to the assumption that he's talking on a phone.

"Okay. I'm taking care of it. I'll bring Jess to Erudite by tomorrow so you can see for yourself."

I feel dizzy as I back up into the wall behind me. Divergent? I can't be one. And why would Eric be telling Jeanine Matthews, the head of Erudite this?

My mind goes blank as the door slowly begins to open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Oooh cliffhanger! I decided to make this chapter extra long because the last one was a bit short...  
> Please leave a review! They are so encouraging and I love getting them! The suggestions are super helpful as well!


	7. Chapter 7

“What are _you_ doing here?” Eric's eyes find Uriah before he notices me.

“Four told us to let you know that we were done.” Uriah explains to Eric. His voice is calm, something I'd never be able to do after what I just heard.

“Fine. Anything else?” I shake my head as Uriah responds no. Eric glares at us, clearly annoyed. Without any other words, he turns to walk back in his office, closing the door shut behind him.

Uriah and I glance at each other for a second. “Let's go.” I whisper just loud enough for him to hear.

We waste no time leaving the one hall of offices and conference rooms that Dauntless has. My heart has yet to slow its pace down. “This way,” Uriah heads down a hallway which I haven't explored before. I follow him until we reach the end of the dark hall.

“What was that about?” Uriah's hands are on his head. He appears almost as stressed as I am about the conversation we overheard.

“I don't know.” I exhale a large breathe. “Dauntless is the only place I belong.” My hands shake. I know I'm not Divergent. The lady from Abnegation who administrated my aptitude test clearly said my result was Dauntless and only Dauntless. Someone who is Divergent would have the aptitude for more than one faction.

My mind races with thoughts of what to do. What if I actually am Divergent? Then what would happen? Surely they wouldn't let me stay in Dauntless... or maybe not even inside the fence at all. Would it be better if I just left now?

No! I can't let myself think like that. They're probably just going to look at my test and see that my results were Dauntless and everything will be fine. I shouldn't worry about it, but I can't help but wonder.

* * *

 

At dinner there is a unique silence. Small talk comes and goes as we eat our meal. No one wants to talk about training and I definitely do not want to discuss anything that has to do with Eric. Contrasting to our table, loud chatter fills the rest of the cafeteria. It's comforting to know somethings will never change in Dauntless.

A hand on my shoulder nearly makes me jump. I turn around to find Max, a leader, standing behind me. “Excuse me, Jess. I have to discuss something with you.” The older man's voice is composed. It holds the power to quiet the whole population. I feel lucky that it hasn't caught people's attention now.

I give Uriah a nervous look as I stand up and push in my chair, hoping that what Max has to say has nothing to do with Eric's conversation we overheard earlier. As I look towards Max, he leads the way out of the dining hall. My muscles become tense as he navigates towards the hall where Uriah and I were earlier. The hallway that contains offices.

“Is something wrong?” I ask bravely as we continue to walk.

“I'll wait til' we get into my office to answer that.” He answers bluntly. _It's going to be alright_ , I remind myself and force myself to remember my thoughts from earlier. _They're just going to check my results. It will be fine._

Max holds the door open for me to his office. “Have a seat, Jess.” The tone he uses is comforting as I walk through the door.

My legs freeze in my place as I see Eric sitting in a chair next to the empty one. I force myself to sit in the empty chair, knowing that there isn't any other option. What's the worse that could happen?

Max takes a seat on the opposite side of the old wooden desk. The desk has chips in it and has been sloppily repaired in places. Papers sit scattered across the top unorganized. “As I was saying earlier, we have a very important matter to discuss with you.” He looks me straight in the eyes.

Eric remains silent as he continues. “You were brought to the attention of Jeanine Matthews from Erudite, you know? She is particularity curious in you and she wishes to meet with you.” My hands begin to shake. This _is_ what Eric was talking about earlier. I nod in response absentmindedly.

“Eric will be accompanying you to Erudite.” He pauses for a second as I look over at Eric. His face is blank and I can't read through his emotions. “I don't want to keep her waiting. If you're ready, go ahead and get on your way.” Eric nods as he stands up.

“Come on, Jess. A train will be here any minute.” I stay silent as I stand up, following Eric out the door. His pace is fast as he heads towards the stairs leading to the roof. I rush to catch up.

"Erudite's headquarters are just up ahead. When we get there, stay with me. You could probably find your way around, but we'll be in a hurry. Got it?" Eric breaks the silence as I lean up against the train wall on the opposite side of the car as him. "Um hm." I mumble back.

 

* * *

 

Eric steps over to the opening in the train. "Let's go!" The howl of the wind sweeps through the car while I make my way towards him, ready to jump. When we turn the corner I am caught by the sight of Erudite. Although the sun is setting, every light in what I assume to be the headquarters, remains on. It takes me by surprise when Eric hops out of the train without warning me. I follow in the next instant.

When I stand on solid ground, Eric waste no time in leading the way. I shuffle behind him as we head towards the center of the sector. Other than a few people strolling around, the grounds are empty. At this time in Dauntless, people are always out around the Pit.

The tall glass doors we walk through lead to the central building. As we walk in I am greeted by a fairly large portrait of the leader of Erudite, the lady we are supposed to be meeting with. I shiver at the sight. Quickly, I shuffle to catch up with Eric near the elevator bank. Curiosity builds up in me so much; I can't stand it any longer

"What are we doing here?" I ask quietly, but loud enough for him to hear it. His eyes turn to glare at me. The second he opens his mouth to respond the door to the elevator opens with a ding.

The door closes almost instantly after we get in. Eric turns to me, his face turned to a scowl. "You're Divergent. It's obvious. I thought Jeanie might be interested in studying you, so I notified her first. She was, so that's why we're here."

 

* * *

 

My hands begin to shake rapidly. I put them in my back pockets of my jeans to steady them. Suddenly I want more than anything to be out of this elevator, away from him and away from Erudite. "I'm not Divergent. " I articulate.

"We'll see." Is all he responds as the elevator door opens and he steps out leaving me to follow him, even more anxious.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Eric steps out of the elevator leaving me to follow him. Everywhere I look I see blue; blue carpet, blue clothing, and even duller blue walls. The brightness bothers me and reminds me of when I used to be forced to attend school. The halls were all designed the same as this one, lined with doors surrounded by windows. Only the walls at school were a light shade of brown so they wouldn't favor any one faction's colors.

The door Eric pauses next to is identical to the other ones.  _413_ is the number labeled in a bold print on the dark wood. He waits a second before knocking firmly. When he looks at me a suddenly feel more nervous than I ever have. Even more anxious than before the Aptitude Test. This is where it happens. After this meeting I might not be allowed back in Dauntless.

Someone, a man with a clean shaved mustache and dark brown hair, opens the door to greet us. "Eric!" He welcomes him as though he has known him for years, and maybe he has. Eric was a transfer a few years ago. I can't remember if he was from Candor or Erudite however.

"Paul." He offers a small nod before stepping out of the way. I tense up as he places his hand on the small of my back.

"This is Jess." Eric lightly pushes me queuing me to walk into the room. I take slow steps as an act of defiance towards him. If I get kicked out of Dauntless, I want to have power of something before I go, even if it is how I get into the room. And besides, Eric shouldn't get everything he wants.

"Jessica Bradley, what a pleasure to meet you!" A strangely familiar voice chimes in from inside the room with fake cheerfulness. When the lady comes into view, I instantly become aware of to who she is. _Jeanine Matthews,_  head of Erudite. She wears a tight dress suit, blue of course, and her hair in a tight up-do. Nothing is out of place. Everything about her seems official.

Paul closes the door behind us. Other than the beat of our four pairs of shoes the room is silent. "Before we begin discussing anything, I'd like to have some test done to confirm Jessica's Divergence." She looks at Eric while she talks, as if I'm not here. "Just a simulation should be able to determine if she is Divergent, like you believe. If you don't mind, it would be preferable to use the fear serum. A fear simulation can inform us how she reacts when she's the most desperate to escape the simulation. Does that make sense?" She pauses to make sure that Eric is following her thoughts.

"Yeah. That's fine. I'm slightly hesitant because it may give her a slight unfair advantage through the rest of initiation, but I'm curious as well." He speaks differently than I've heard him.

His voice isn't cold as when he scolds me. Nor is it insightful as I've heard it during those rare times like when he was speaking to Uriah and I about never giving up. This is different. Each word sounds carefully composed in one even tone.

It's at this moment that I fully realize that he must have grown up as an Erudite. The way he give's Jeanine respect, he has to have some connection to this place.

"Perfect! We have Lab E set up. I'll have someone meet you there as soon as possible." Jeanine dismisses us from her office. Eric waste no time exiting the room. I on the other hand would rather not go to _Lab E._ I've heard of fear simulations. During initiation, at some point, they make you face your greatest fears. The only way out is by calming down from what I've heard. Through the vague information I know about them, I can't see how it would prove if someone is Divergent.

I follow Eric reluctantly. As I walk I take in everything around me, taking smaller steps in attempt to look in windows of other rooms. Most of them appear to have the same set up, except for the fact that they are almost all vacant. I'm briefly confused before I realize that it's nearly eight in the evening. Stores are close at this time at home.

"Jess! Let's go. We don't have all night!" Eric growls at me from down the hall.

"I'm coming," I mumble equally as frustrated as Eric sounds. My slow pace continues as I walk towards him. Within a second Eric has marched in front of me. His glare is powerful enough to melt me, like a laser.

"I'm serious,"  _as if he ever jokes._  "I don't know what act your playing at, but I don't have time for it." His finger wrap around my small wrist and pull me along with him. His hold is tighter and his pace is quicker than necessary.

Eric navigates the hall without even thinking about it. After a few turns we reach the room Jeanine appointed for us to go. He finally releases my arm as he opens the door. Unlike most of the other doors we passed, this one doesn't have windows bordering the door. Just a single window in the door allows light to pass through.

I stand in the dark that I'm accustomed to in Dauntless. It feels out of place here, just as I feel like a fish who got pulled onto a fishing boat. Eric flashes on the lights with a switch and I immediately want the darkness to come back. Everything in this room is white and sterile. Off to the side chairs and a metal work bench reflect the florescent light. A few computers occupy

I fight back the desire to run out of the building when I see the reclined chair sitting in the back. It's identical to the one from the Aptitude Test, which was with no doubt designed by Erudite. I don't have to be a genius to know its for a simulation.

"Go sit down." Eric orders me sternly and points to the dreaded chair. My head bobs up and down as I quickly find my seat. I hear Eric chuckle lightly to him self and I find him in front of the chair.

"You sure are unique, Jess." The smile on his face is genuine and for a second I forget who he is and where I am. I just want to capture that smile and remember it forever.

Unfortunately he just has to ruin the first calm moment I've had all day. "I assume you know of the fear simulations. Am I correct?"

"Yeah, I've heard about them."

"So they'll inject you with a serum that simulates a fear. Your job will be to calm your heart rate as quickly as possible. Got it?" Again, I nod. "Now were just waiting for someone to come with the serum." He looks towards the door as if someone would show up at that instant.

Silence fills the room making me uncomfortable. I decide to ask Eric the question that's been bothering me since we've arrived."You were a transfer. Are you from Erudite?"

"I'm Dauntless now, initiate." He shoots me an icy cold glare telling me to shut up. Although he didn't answer my question, I know the answer. I nod quietly, not wanting to press more.  _Faction before blood._

The next few minutes are filled with even more silence as we wait. I want to laugh at how much inconvenience this is probably causing Eric. He was in such a hurry for whatever he has to do. Now he has to wait here. Oh well, it's his fault anyway.

A lady in a white rope steps through the door. A whole team of people follow behind her. The five people appear a lot younger than the middle aged lady who leads the group. They roll a cart in lined with vials, syringes, and other tools that look more intimating than I would have imagined.

"Oh Eric, how great it is to see you!" The lady's voice is crisp and clear. She files in and slides the cart next to the chair I uncomfortably am sitting in.

"You too," he responds with boredom in his voice. I don't blink as I study what the people to my left are setting up. They insert a clear serum into a serum and begin fiddling with a set of wires connected to a computer monitor.

Before I realize it a man, just slightly older than I am, has a needle right by my neck ready to inject it. I allow my eyes to glance away towards Eric. He offers a stern nod as the needle punctures me skin. All I feel is a sting, then it's gone.

Eric stands up from where he stands and walks over to me. I focus on his eyes as the room slowly begins to get cloudy. "Jess, the simulation will start in less than sixty seconds. Face your fear then you'll be out of the simulation. That's all there is to it."

* * *

_I'm grateful to be back in the Pit. Back at Dauntless where I belong. The Pit is empty, a rare sight for this time of night. A voice to my left catches my attention. A can't make out what the person says, but more voices join in quickly. I turn my head to see people running out of all the hallways leading to the Pit. Where are they going?_

_I make out a few familiar faces as they approach me. Within a second what seems like the entire Dauntless population is surrounding me in a circle. What are they looking at? Ugh, I probably missed an announcement at dinner. My eyes quickly scan the room for someone who can tell me what's going on. I spot my Mom and Dad with my sister somewhere in the middle of the crowd. I'll go to them and try to blend in. Hopefully Lauren won't see me with my family._

_I pick up my feet to rush over to them. Only I can't move. My feet feel like they weigh thousands of pounds. They're probably over exhausted from all the running today. Suddenly the room goes silent. Thousands of eyes stare at me. I don't like this._

_I recognize Uriah's voice from behind me taunting me. "Hey Jess! You're too scared to hang out with us! Isn't that right? You're too shy to do anything!" My cheeks heat up and I feel them turn red. My legs begin to shake. Everyone heard him say that. One person laughs. Then another. And another. Everyone laughs at me. Tears prick me eyes threatening to flood._

_Another loud voice joins in with Uriah's continuous taunts. "Jess can't do anything right! She can't do a proper push up or run a mile! What kind of Dauntless is she?" It's Eric this time. The voices and the laughs get louder. My Mom adds to the conversation about all the embarrassing things I've done._

_When I try to cover my ears the sound just amplifies. People who I've passed recently_ _in the pit point and laugh at me. Tears_ _flow rapidly out of my eyes and I'm sobbing. I want to disappear._

_I can't handle this. This is too much pressure. I collapse_ _onto my knees and attempt again to block everyone out._

_Stop. Ignore them, I tell myself. I'm Dauntless. Be brave. I repeat this mantra over and over again to myself like I do when I'm nervous. I'm Dauntless. I'm brave._ _I'm Dauntless. I'm brave._ _I'm Dauntless. I'm brave._ _I'm Dauntless. I'm brave._ _I'm Dauntless. I'm brave. I can handle this._

* * *

I wake up back in the room in Erudite. My hands still shake and I don't want to be anywhere near here. My eyes sting.

"She's not Divergent," is the only thing I hear through my cries. I don't look up to find out more about the conversation. My hands wrap around my legs and I curl into a ball. I want to go home.

After a lengthy discussion, to which I did not listen to, Eric decided that it was time to return. "Let's go. Jeanine arranged for a car to take us back." Eric motions for me to stand up. Even though it has been nearly a half hour since I was in the simulation, my legs still shake. I force myself to stand and follow him. I don't say anything as we walk through the halls and down the elevator.

When we arrive outside, a shiny black car waits for us. I've never ridden in one before. Everywhere I've ever needed to go to I've used the trains for. I guess Eric doesn't have time to wait for the next train to pass.

I take a seat in the back and Eric scoots into the empty space next to me.

"You did good in there. You only stayed in the simulation for nine minutes. That's impressive."

"I'm never doing that again."

 


	9. Chapter 9

The bed in the dormitory is especially uncomfortable tonight as the thought of the simulation keeps me tossing. When we returned to Dauntless, Eric walked me back here and instructed me to get some sleep... like that will happen.

My eyes give in to the fatigue they suffer and drift closed. The only thing accompanying the darkness are images of standing in the Pit surrounded by the never ending insults. Sleep isn't even a thought.

I nearly jump out of bed entirely when a swarm of lights parades into the room.

"Capture the flag tonight! Be at the tracks in five minutes," an unknown voice cheers.

I waste no time throwing on my running shoes and the outfit scattered in a pile at the foot of my bed. All around me people throw on clothes as quickly as possible. The people with the lights trickle out towards the transfer dorms.

I follow behind our group of Dauntless-Borns as we sprint up the steps of the Pit where my nightmare took place. Stress bubbles up inside of me. I use all the strength I have to push the thought away. None of that was real, I force myself to remember.

Transfers follow shortly after we've arrived on the roof. I notice the pile of paintball and guns by the tracks. The transfer initiates whisper with excitement behind us, obviously unaware of what is happening. They have no idea how long we've looked foreword to this night. And it couldn't have come at a better time. This is just the distraction I need this evening.

"Everyone grab a gun!" Eric shouts of the buzz of voices. People frantically rush towards them. I grab one of the last ones left, not that it matters. Once I have my paintballs I go and stand back by Uriah and the others.

"This is it! I better get on a good team," Uriah jokes with me.

"Shut up! You're probably going to get chosen first Uriah!" Lynn pushes him in a friendly way.

As the train approaches and we jump on, I watch how quickly some of the transfers have figured the train system out. Others however struggle and need assistance getting up.

Eric briefly explains the objective of the game to the new transfers. I listen although I've been ready to play for years.

"Four and I will be your team captains," Eric announces. "Let's divide up the transfers first, shall we?"

Eric takes the first pick, choosing Edward, an Erudite transfer who looks stronger than your average Erudite. Four chooses the Stiff next. The people around me fail at holding back their laughter. Just by looking at her I know that she isn't at the top of the rankings.

"Got something to prove? Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have something to blame it on?" Eric smirks. If his theory is correct, than I wouldn't be surprised if I get chosen for Four's team.

* * *

"Dauntless-born initiates next," says Eric once the transfers are evenly sorted through.

Uriah is the first to get chosen by Four. This eliminates Eric's idea. Lynn gets picked next for Eric's team.

"Marlene."

"Alex."

"Jorden."

"Taylor."

"Jess."

I find Eric's face to see what he's planning. He hates me. He was the one who forced me to do that simulation. Why is he now choosing me for his team? His face remains in the smirk that has been planted since we've gotten on this train as the last two initiates are divided up.

"Your team can get off second," says Eric.

Four chuckles lightly to himself, "Don't do me any favors. You know I don't need them to win."

"No, I know that you'll lose no matter when you get off." I admire Four's bold personality, but its clear that Eric does not. "Take your scrawny team and get off first, then."

The train slows to a stop. Four's team exits the train while we remain. Once they're far enough away Eric begins assigning roles and passing out our glowing red wrist bands, which indicate which team we're on.

"I want Lynn, Peter, and Jorden on offense with me. Al, Alex, and Myra will back us up. Molly and Jess are guarding the flag. Got it?" We all nod silently, except for the transfer from Candor, Peter.

"Where are we putting our flag?"

"The tower at the end of the Pier. "

"Is that really the best place? Wouldn't that be a bit obvious to the other team?" Peter pipes up again.

"I'm sorry, how many times have you played this?" Eric glares at Peter. "And I want you all to know that I will not tolerate losing to Four. I expect more than your full effort tonight. I plan on winning this." His voice is crisp and clear with a hint of intimidation in it.

"Let's go. Jess take the flag." He throws a wadded up flag made from a shiny materiel to me. Eric's the first to hop off the stationary train.

"Everyone keep an eye out for any signs of the other team. Last year they hid in at the end of the Pier, head that way. Stay alert. Jess and Molly, take the flag to the tower and defend it with your life. Clear?"

"Of course," we take off into a jog. Even in the dark an outline of the short tower is visible. Eric's group heads the opposite way, towards Four's team. The sound of their feet fades out quickly and its only me and Molly left.

"You're the Dauntless-born who hasn't won a fight, right?" Molly sneers at me. In response I roll my eyes, not giving her the answer that she wants.

"So why is Eric letting you guard the flag?  _I_  would have had someone who, you know, could actually  _defend_  themselves." She spits the words out in disgust. I've never even met this girl and she already hates me. I'd be lying to say that the feeling isn't mutual. Instead of punching her or returning her vicious words, I remain silent.

"I'll take the top of the tower, you get the bottom." I order, trying to change the subject.

"Fine." She scoffs.

We reach the tower in silence. "I'm going to put this up there. Keep an eye out for the other team. They could be close by now." I take control of our situation.

"This is so fake. You act all tough now, but we both know that you'd never do anything ." She scoffs up to me as I put the flag in position.

"Excuse me?" I lean against the railing, looking down at her smirk.

"I said, stop acting like you're in charge here. I'm better than you'll ever be."

All the frustration building up in me throughout the day burst, sending my down the steps towards her. I fly myself at her, tackling her to the ground. In one motion as were falling, a paintball is shot at my arm. Pain radiates the area it was hit. I retort immediately, sending multiple paintballs at her back as I have her pinned to the ground.

"Get off of me!" Molly cries in anger as I hit her again. I aim one last paintball as she flips me off of her.

"Shut up! Did you hear that?" Molly hisses. I brush the dirt off my back from the ground as I stand up. Suddenly a person clothed in black runs out from behind an overgrown bush towards our tower. In an instant we both begin firing paintballs at the moving figure. The person stumbles to the ground as our multiple shots are fired.

I fire another one just to be safe that they've been marked with our red paint. I brace for the quick recoil. The clicking sound comes, but nothing else.  _My gun is empty._ Great, my day keeps getting better and better.

"Molly!" I whisper urgently. "I'm out of paintballs. Give me a few of yours."

Even in the darkness I can see her eye roll.

"No. You should have thought about that when you hit me with all of them." She sneers back at me. I boil with anger at everything. Towards her for infuriating me, towards Eric for picking me for his team, and mostly towards myself for being idiotic enough to start a fight with her.

"Fine. I'm going to find someone else on our team who will give me some. Watch the flag."

I set out in a steady sprint before she can say anything, heading east of this place to try and find someone else on my team. They said they were heading towards the far edge of the pier, so that's where I go. As I run, I realize I am completely alone. Lights from Erudite are on in the distance.  _At least I'm not there anymore_ , I think to myself.

Gratitude surges through me as I see the glow of a red wrist band. Their distance prevents me from seeing who exactly it is. But who ever it is continues walking the opposite way.

"Hey!" I shout across the way to them, hopefully just loud enough for them to hear it. I see whoever's head dart back at me. They pause as I stride to catch up with them.

"What are you doing here?!" I recognize the voice as Jorden. His voice nor his face look happy.

"I needed some more paintballs. Can you loan me some?" I ask, feeling uncomfortable because it's clear he's upset.

"What happened to yours?" He sighs with a slight tint of anger.

"I had to use them."

He glares at me, but goes to unload his gun anyway. The colored pellets roll out into his hand.  
"Take these. And watch out. I heard the other team just a bit ago." I accept the few paintballs out of his hand and assemble them into my gun.

Before I get the chance to say my thanks, I hear the pound of footsteps running against the pavement. I see a blue glow and know its them.

"Get over here!" I urgently whisper at Jorden. I quickly shuffle into an overgrown bush against one of the old building. He follows behind me. We wait in silence as the sounds get closer.

A voice begins to occupy the quiet air.

"I swear I heard something!"  _It's Marlene._

"Me too. I'll look this way. You go that way and tell everyone on guard to be ready." _Uriah._

I hear footsteps fade in the distance but the other pair remains searching the area. I stand as still as a rock as I see my friend search the open area around us. Maybe he won't see see us. I just hope that I'll be able to get back to guard the flag first.

* * *

After several minutes of waiting, a sudden breeze brushes through the bushes. With it, a mosquito that had gone unnoticed is disturbed. Its barely audible buzzing begins as it swarms around us.

I don't see it, but judging by his sudden movement, the bug landed on Jorden. He swats his arm, panicking to get the small bug off. There's no way Uriah didn't hear or see it. I leap out from behind the bushes, planning on sprinting away before he can get me.

My plan to get back to my flag is ruined as I feel a sharp pain in my side. I don't need to look to know that blue paint is splattered on my side. Before I can say anything, Uriah takes off running the way I was; towards our teams flag.

Jorden steps out from the side where he was, covered in blue paint.

"I need to get over my fear of bugs. Sorry," He mumbles.

I shake my head in response, "No, its fine. It was my fault. I shouldn't have gone in the bush first. We could have found a better way to avoid them."

We wait in an awkward silence and wait since we can't do anything now that we were hit. A cheer erupts from the direction were we hid the flag, signaling that we most certainly lost.

"You know, sometimes I really hate Uriah." Jorden chuckles. We begin to jog back to the tracks where we got off at.

"Tell me about it." I'm instantly reminded of the simulation from just a few hours ago. Butterflies form in my stomach as the images of early flutter in my mind. I feel sick.

I continue to jog back anyway.  _I'm Dauntless. I'm brave. I'm Dauntless. I'm brave._ I focus on those words and block everything else out.  _I'm Dauntless. I'm brave. I'm Dauntless. I'm brave._


	10. Chapter 10

"Everyone up! Anyone who's not in the training room in seven minutes will be the reason you all will be running!"

I jolt awake to Eric's voice instead of our usual wake up from Lauren. It can't be later than six. Training shouldn't be starting until eight.

The room begins moving instantly when Eric leaves the room. No one wants to be on the receiving side of Eric's anger this morning. I don't even take the time to check my hair in the mirror as I throw it into a high ponytail.

As we make our way into the training room, we are greeted by the unsettling sight of Eric alone. We gather around him silently.

"It's come to my attention that I've spent more time working with the transfers than you. As you can guess, they need a lot more work than most of you."

His posture is so rigid it makes him slightly more intimidating.

"So, I volunteered to help this morning before my other duties. Shall we start?" He ask not leaving room for question.

"Partner up."

I look around for someone. My first thought is to go with Uriah, but he is already with Marlene. Before I know it every one else has a partner, except for me. How though? We have an even number of initiates.

Eric answers my thoughts before I even have the chance to say something.

"Jorden is in the infirmary. Apparently he was allergic to the paint last night. The stupid nurse won't let him out til' later. So it looks like your with me." His tone is bitter as I make my way towards him.

"We're starting with a simple dodging exercise. I want it at a fast pace. If you don't find this as a fitting warm up or choose a weaker intensity, I'd be fine with having you run." His voice booms over the room. "Jess and I will demonstrate."

I step up to him so we're only about a foot apart.

"Take some punches," he instructs just loud enough for me to hear him.

I pause a second shocked. Surely he can't be serious?

"I'm waiting."

I take the first swing to the left, unsure of the outcome. He ducks his head to the right, avoiding the punch.

"Again!"

I do the same thing but to the opposite side. He dodges it to the other side quickly. I continue to throw punches and he countinue a to avoid them.

He calls enough after about five and turns his attention back to the group of initiates.

"You may begin. If your looking for more of a challenge, add some kicks in the mix."

All around us pairs begin their exercise.

When he turns back to me, I'm not prepared for the kick he sends my way. I'm sent flying into my back, my knee bursting with pain.

"I wasn't ready!" I cry as Eric takes a step over me. His scowl tightens.

"Oh, but you were last night when you got in a fight with the smart-mouth? Letting your team and myself down?"

I don't answer, knowing it's better that way. Dauntless take winning Capture The Flag very seriously, especially Eric. I should have known that last night wouldn't have gone unacknowledged.

Eric hisses at me to get back up. Despite the protest of my aching knee, I stand.

A punch this time is sent my direction, but I successfully dodge to the side. He throws several punches in a row in silence as I successfully duck each time.

He stops momentarily, giving me a chance to breath. "What exactly happened last night? Molly told me her side, but I'm giving you the chance to tell yours." He acts as he's doing me a huge favor.

There's no point in lying since he seems to already know, so I tell him exactly what happened. I emphasize the part about Molly's taunts that lead to the whole situation.

When I finish with the story, I look at him, his eyes squinting.

"So what your saying is that you started a physical fight with another initiate and then abandoned your job in a very important training exercise and tradition?" He raises an eyebrow at me.

"Yes, but-"

"No buts. You do understand that fights outside of scored training exercises are against the rules, am I correct?"

I take a breath before nodding my head.

"Meet me in my office during breakfast. I'm sure I can find someone who needs help from you after training. Perhaps the kitchen or the store rooms? Now, let's get back to work.

Eric releases us at 8 for breakfast. Although my body has gotten a lot stronger so far, it's still sore after our training this morning. Eric made us work on fight techniques until everyone had them nearly perfect. I'm thankful we don't have to put up with him the rest of the day.

But unfortunately for me, I still have to see him.

I stop by the dorm to fix my hair. The last thing I would need is my hair getting in my eyes on my last day of fighting. Once a secure it into a braid, I begin to make my way towards Eric's office.

By this point I have no trouble getting to the hallways which contains leaders offices. As much as I'd like to forget what happened yesterday, I can't.

When I arrive, I knock without hesitating.

"It's open."

Opening the wooden door, I'm greeted with the scent of wood. Eric sits behind a computer scrolling through a page.

"Take a seat."

On the side closest to myself, sits two empty seats. His office is arranged just like Max's only slightly smaller.

"As a consequence for your out of training fight, I'm giving you a week of work. Since I know yesterday was long for you I'm feeling generous; I'm letting you choose your placement. The options I have open are: helping Four and Lauren clean the training rooms, assisting the cooks in the kitchen with breakfast and dinner, helping Hannah stock the shops' shelves, or you could always help me run errands and file stuff."

I consider my options. The last thing I'd want to do is spend more time with Eric and I'd rather not be in a hot kitchen after hours of training. Four and Lauren would be fine, but I think I want some change of scenery after all day in the the training rooms.

"I'll help in the shop." I answer.

"I'll be sure to let Hannah know. Report to the store room an hour after training tomorrow. Don't be late." He begins typing into his computer immediately.

"What about Molly? Will she have to do this as well?" I blurt out.

"No."

Anger boils inside of me. This isn't fair. She's the one who started the fight. If it wasn't for her i would be downstairs at breakfast right now and wouldn't be stuck shelving stuff.

"What? She's the one who started it!" I spit out unable to contain my emotions.

"Now, she will get points docked from her score for not being resourceful, during the game, therefore letting the other team win, but no, she will not have further punishment."

I sigh internally. At least her score will get lowered.

"Is my score okay?" I ask nervously. The fear of getting kicked out suddenly has suddenly reentered my mind. I haven't exactly done great at anything other than knife throwing. It's a strong possibility that I'm near the bottom.

"You're above the line. Stage one ends tomorrow. You'll be fine." He nods, dismissing me.

I stand up,ready to head back to training.

"Wait Jess." I turn back around to face him.

"I got you a muffin." His face curves into a smile, and not just a smirk, as he reveals a muffin that he had sitting on his desk for me.

I take it as I mutter a thanks and exit the room.

Maybe he's not as awful of a person as he seems.  
\------------------  
"You're late." Lauren greets me as I walk into the training room. Jacob and Lynn are getting ready for a fight.  
I shuffle over to her to explain.

"Eric needed me in his office during breakfast and I didn't realize what time it was so I stopped by the dorms to get a headband I forgot."  
She looks at me for a second before sharing that I'm up next and fighting against Taylor.

Internally I sigh in relief. Although Taylor is a strong kid, he doesn't think fast enough when he fights. He has lost all but one fight. I feel like I could actually have a chance today if I try and if Lauren lets it end quickly.

I stretch out my muscles while trying to avoid watching the fight going on. Lynn and Jacob are pretty evenly matched so I know it will be a fair fight, but I still can't watch it completely.

"Nice work Lynn." Lauren announces.  
I don't see how but Ian ends up on the ground with a bloody nose. Lynn walks over to him and extends a hand to help him up off the mat.

"Jess. Taylor. You're up!"

As I walk up to the mat I hope that this will be done as quick as possible. I just need to prove that I am capable of being Dauntless. Maybe I could just tire him out or something so I won't have to hurt him but can still win. The instant that the whistle blows I start. I throw a punch, which he dodges as I hoped. From there I quickly hop out of the way so that I'm on the other side of him. He sends out a kick that I recognize from Eric showing us earlier. I successfully skip over it.  
The fight continues like this: each of us attacking and both of us blocking. That is until he tackles me to the ground. Before he has time to do anything, I roll away do that I'm standing and he's still on the ground.

"You've got this Jess!" I hear Uriah shout in encouragement.

I know he's right and I know what I need to do. I'm dauntless. I can do this. I repeat to myself as I go in to tackle him.  
He's much stronger than I am so I know I have to be quick, in one solid motion slam my fist into his face. In that instant his head falls on to the mat and he is motionless under me.

"Winner's Jess." No. I look down at the body beneath me and see Taylor's nose covered in blood. I did this to him. "I-I-I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I cry out, running off the mat. How could I do this? He struggles to get up as I utter apologies. He sends me a glare and my heart hurts even more. I really hurt him. How could I let myself do this?  
I sprint out of the training room crying before I can see anymore of his pain.

I keep running until I make it to the empty dorm room. The second I see it, I dive into my bed. My pillow soaks up my wet tears that cover my face. Taylor's injured and its all my fault. I hate this. I hate fighting. I hate training. I hate Lauren. I hate Eric and I hate Dauntless.

I don't know how much time has passed when I hear footsteps in my room. Although I have stopped my sobs, my face is still buried into my pillows. "Jess!" It's Eric. Of course it's him.

"Why aren't you in training?" Through his strong instructor voice, I think I hear a drip of concern.

"I can't do it." My voice shakes as I look up from my pillow.

"Are you saying you give up?" He comes and sits down on the bench across from my bed. I sit up slightly, not wanting to look as weak as I feel.

"I just can't do this Eric! Did you see him? I was the one who did that. I can't handle it." My tears return as I fight to hold them back, blinking my eyes rapidly.

I notice Eric rolling his eyes. "First of all he's fine, nothing he can't handle. You're not strong enough to have done anything serious," Eric snickers to himself. "And second, sometime's you'll have to do things you don't want to do. It's when your most fearful that your bravery fully comes out. What you did was brave. I'm proud." He smiles a genuine smile.

I nod as I take a few breathes, attempting to calm down.

Within a minute he's back to himself. "Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and get back to training. Fights are through for the day and you've still got a good 45 minutes til lunch."

I stand up, readjust my hair, and head back to training.

The rest of the day of training after lunch went by slowly but uneventfully. Lauren had us go on a jog through the streets. I managed to keep up with the group despite being in the back. The cool air provided a much needed break from the training room. However, by the time we returned my legs are tired and my breathing was unsteady.

After that we continued our work with knives and guns, whichever we chose. I picked knives, knowing I could improve on accuracy. It felt good to be good at something we were doing. I might have even been the best.

Now, I head down to the store rooms for my punishment that Eric assigned me. As I arrive I see Hannah, the head of one of the clothing stores in the pit. She has a clothing rack on wheels filled with clothes. "You're Jess?" I nod. "Great. I'm glad you're hear. All I need is you to carry this and those two boxes over there up to my shop. Got it?"

I nod again as Hannah exits the room in a hurry. I stack the two boxes on top of each other and start to bring them up first. They weigh just enough to where I can carry them both at the same time.

"Where do you want these? I ask as I reach the store. She sits at the front desk, sketching some clothes designs.

"Right there's fine. I like to sort through the material by myself." I nod before heading back down to get the other rack. I'm ready to be done with the day.

I quickly file down the steps and drag the rack of clothes back up. The idea of taking a hot shower and then a long nap excites me after my past 48 hours.

"Anything else?" I ask from the door before leaving to my long awaited nap.

"Nope. I thought I had more work than I did when Eric asked me. I should be good for the next week. I forgot I just had my employees clean and restock the shelves the other day." She says with a smile. My eyes float to around the room at all the beautiful clothes.

"Did you design all of these?" I ask curiously. She nods. "Each and every one of them." You can see a glint of pride in her eyes at her accomplishment.

"They're amazing," I marvel at how delicate every piece is. "Thank you! Feel free to come back anytime, whether you want to look at clothes or want a quiet place to relax." She gestures to the couch by the dressing room.

I smile back at her filled with the most gratitude I've felt all week.

"I definitely will." I laugh.

As I make my way back to the dorms I pass Eric, Lauren, and Four having a discussion on the floor of the Pit. I shuffle by, hoping to go unnoticed.  
"Hey, initiate!" I was almost successful. I stalk back over to where the group of instructors is gathered.

"Hannah let you go?" Eric inquires.  
I nod as he checks his watch. He raises his eyebrows at me seeing that it has only been half an hour since training ended.

"Okay then. Tomorrow is your last day of stage one. Go get some rest. You deserve it." His tone is commanding, but I take the words as a complement.

"Thank you," I smile back at him before escaping to my dorm.

The end of stage one could not come any sooner.


	11. Chapter 11

For the first time since the aptitude test, I wake up feeling refreshed. Last night once I got done with everything, I had a small dinner then went right to sleep. I even woke up on my own this morning before Lauren came in. I take my time taking a hot shower, letting the hot steam from the water soothe my muscles. I put on my training gear, which today consist of a tank top and my favorite pair of leggings. Next, I secure my hair in a braided bun. Smiling at myself in the mirror I head out the door of the dorms as everyone else is still asleep.

Last night as I was lying in bed, I decided that this morning I will stop by my old apartment before anyone else wakes up. If I leave now, I should be able to avoid anyone who would chide me for visiting my family. My family lives on the top floor near the staircase to the roof, so if anyone asks I can easily just say I was going up there for some fresh air.

I trot up to my former home, eager to catch my mom before she heads down to work. I take the stairs quickly, knowing that if someone were to notice me, it would be in the pit that I would get stopped. I make my way down the hall and feel at home already. Even though I know that I've never left, this part of Dauntless brings me back to home. My younger sister, Julia, and I used to race down this hall to see who could get in the apartment first after going to the cafeteria for dinner some nights when my mom was working.

Before I waste any time, I knock on the door. I know that there is a key tucked into the door frame, but I'd rather not startle them. I wait a few seconds before knocking again. "Who is it?" I hear the trill of my mother's voice. "It's me."

The door creeks open and I'm greeted with a hug. "Jess! What are you doing here?" Her smile tells me that she's happy to see me, but the concern in her voice tells me she's nervous.

"Nothing, I woke up early and wanted to come see you and Julia." We walk into the living room and sit on the couch.

"They're fine with this? You know I've heard that in the past few years the rules for initiates and their training have gotten more intense." Her eyes host worry in them. I know she's thinking back to my visit to the infirmary and when the second day when she saw me training with just Eric.

"No one is up this early. I'll head back in a few minutes. As long as I'm back before anyone wakes up, I should be fine." I brush off her concern

"You should have just waited until they give you that time. It should be coming up any day now." I realize now that Lauren did mention that we will have time to visit with our families sometime during stage 2, but I couldn't wait that long. Transfers have visiting day later today, but we're stuck in training. Of course, that was Lauren and Eric's brilliant new idea this year. They announced it at the beginning of the week that they want an opportunity for us to use the other training room that the transfers usually occupy. So, in order to do that, we will be having a separate time to visit with our families.

"I wanted to see you now. It'll be fine, Mom." She nods and smiles showing she understands. "So, how have things been going with you?"

"Things are going well. Dad is going to be home from the Wall next week, so that will be good. The infirmary has been busy. We had to get an early shipment of medicine from Erudite the other day because of so many training accidents. I'm always so nervous that one of the initiates will be you."  
She pats my leg and smiles.

All I can do is smile back. The only thing keeping me out of the infirmary is luck. If it wasn't for luck I would have had more than just a slightly injured ankle from my first fight and some other miscellaneous bruises from all my other fights. I guess I should be grateful for that. Other than not obtaining any significant injuries I have been the opposite of lucky this far into initiation.

We sit in silence for a few moments before I break it by standing up.  
"I guess I should head back to the dorms now. Tell Julia hi for me when she wakes up." My mother nods and embraces me in a hug.  
"I'm so proud of you Jess. Hang in there." And that's just what I needed to hear.

When I arrive back in my dorms people are just now starting to wake up. Instead of stopping back in, I head down to breakfast. Before long, the rest of the initiates have joined me.

"Last day of stage one! I don't know about you all but I'm thrilled!" Uriah sets down a bowl of cereal before taking a seat across from me.  
"It could not be any sooner," I chime in with a sigh.  
As everyone else joins us the conversation transforms from our excitement to be done, to our frustration that we have an extra day that the transfer won't.

"If anything, they should be the ones with more training. I could probably beat any of them," growls Lynn.  
"Exactly! And why do we need to use both training rooms anyway? It's not like they're any different!" Ian agrees.  
Everyone else shares their frustration about the issue.

"I feel like they just hate us and are trying to make this last as long as possible. They're probably trying to make us miserable." I join in. "I hate them so much," I sigh.  
"I'm glad you all have such warm feeling towards us." Lauren's voice behind me causes my heart to drop. She heard me. Why did I say that? Sure, the training is hard and they get on us for just about everything, but I don't really hate her. If anything she's better than Eric. But now, even more than before ,she probably despises me. Stupid me. I should have just been quiet.

"We're starting training now. In the normal training room." Almost everyone sighs. We're supposed to have 20 more minutes of breakfast, but I guess we're not getting that- thanks to me.  
We all stand up as soon as Lauren leaves.  
"Well today is going to be fun," Uriah cheers sarcastically as he puts his arm around my shoulders.

Eric stands alone in the training room as we enter, which is never a good sign.  
"Today's the lasts day of stage one," we all know better than to celebrate now. "So, we wanted to give you all some more individualized training. It's always our hope that a majority of dauntless born become member rather than some of the transfers who are just playing dauntless. Not to say that you should underestimate the transfers, but you all have the dauntless instinct that we expect members to have. Each year we always have initiates who make the wrong choice- who are typically transfers. We trust you guys to have made the right choice and to want to succeed here in dauntless. We're giving you one last chance to make or break your rankings today. Top four, which is Uriah, Lynn, Marlene and Ian, are going to the other training room to work with Lauren. The rest of you are staying here with me."

Great. Well, at least I don't have to see Lauren after what she heard me say. I watch as almost everyone leaves except myself, Jordan, and Taylor.  
"Like I said, you will have a lot of opportunities to earn points that should be simple if you've been working hard enough. So start with a few warm-up laps around the gym."  
We don't answer before we take off running. I'm able to keep up with everyone now. It's a little thing but it feels like a huge accomplishment coming from where I was on the first day. After the third lap, Eric calls us to stop.

"The schedule for today will be easy enough. We'll begin with knives then move on to strength training. Gun practice will be next, followed by combat technique. If you work hard we'll be done early. Rankings will be finalized after dinner."

So, that's how the day goes.


	12. Chapter 12

Appearently giving us a break between stages wasn't an option because here we are sitting in a narrow hall waiting for names to be called in for simulations. I'd give anything to be back at physical training. After experiencing my nightmare of a simulation at Erudite, saying I'm nervous is an understatement. The thought of being unaware and having virtually no control is enough to make my stomach shoot with pain and it has nothing to do with my sore muscles.

Yesterday was more work than I was expecting. I honestly don't know why I would even think it would be any less. I was at least hoping I would be prepared after having training sessions with just Eric before, but those were only two hour sessions. The whole day proved to be much worse. One positive thing however, was that because it wasn't just him and I, his anger wasn't just directed towards me alone, but even so I could barely move by the time dinner arrived.

Although I'm dreading what's through those doors, I'm still relieved to still be in Dauntless. My rankings were fine, just as Eric had informed me. Although I was ranked second to last of the dauntless-born initiates there were transfers who scored lower, saving me from being sent to the factionless.

Quiet conversation goes on around me, but my mind is occupied by what nightmare I'll be forced to endure. Surely not the same one I suffered through at Erudite.

"Jess, you're up." Four calls for me from the door way. I force myself to rise from my seat. My feet carry me towards the room, but I want to turn the other way more than anything. I feel the color leave my face as I walk past Four into the room I've been dreading. He closes the door and secures it behind us.

"Have a seat. I'll be a minute to set this up, " The man who's kindness saved me from running the other day gestures to chair that's causing my stress, as he goes to set up the equipment. All I can do is shake my head.

"I'm sure you've heard of fear simulations, but just a reminder-" he pauses abruptly as he glances back to find me frozen in fear. I see him roll his eyes for barely a second before he turns in his chair to face me.

"Jess, I'm going to need you to sit down. I promise, nothing will happen until we talk." My breathing picks up as my body leads me to the chair. Reluctantly, I find myself in the reclined seat.

"There you go. As I was saying, this is just a quick simulation that will display one of your fears. All you have to do is calm your heart rate and it will be over. Simple as that. Got it?" Panic takes over, preventing me from saying anything, so I just nod, looking straight forward. Four returns his chair back around to working with the serum on his desk.

After several moments, he turns back to face me, a syringe in hand. I scoot my back into the chair as far as it allows me.

"Just relax. I'll inject you with this serum- you'll barely feel it- and then you'll be ready to start." As he begins to bring the syringe towards me, I spring up from the chair, unable to sit still any longer.

Tears threaten to build up in my eyes as I dart across the room. "I'm sorry, I can't! I can't do this!" I blurt out from the corner, as far away as I could get. Images of being stuck in that chair at Erudite pound in my mind. The thought of having to endure that feeling of helplessness makes me sick.

Four visibly sighs. "I hate to tell you this, but this really isn't an option. Just sit down and we can both just get this over with," again he gestures towards center of the room. As I shake my head, my legs shake as well.

"Initiate, I'm not going to ask again. Either take a seat, or get out," he points to the door at the back of the room. "I understand you're scared, but that's the point of this exercise- to manage those fears," his tone is calmer now as tries to reason with me.

I'm Dauntless. I can do this. I think to myself as I take a step to the chair. I'm not going to let this keep me from my future here. I force myself to take deep breathes and sit in the dreaded chair.

"I don't want to do this again," I stutter. Four basically ignores as he goes to pick up the syringe again. Seeing the serum in there causes me to tense up again.

"I'm going to need you to count with me. Down from ten, slowly. Ready?" Four's eyes look down softly at mine as he moves to my side. I nod silently.

"Ten," he places his hand on my jaw and lightly moves my head to the side, allowing my neck to be open.

"Nine," I see him adjust the syringe in his hand.

"Eight," I can't help it. I turn my head towards him, preventing the syringe from coming in contact with my skin, thus preventing the serum from taking control.

"Seven," he grunts as he uses his whole hand to secure my back head to the side, stronger than before. There's no moving now.

We don't get to six before he injects the serum into my neck. Tears build up in my eyes as my mind races with what's going to happen next.

"The serum will go into effect in 60 seconds. It will simulate one of your fears. Control your emotions and calm your heart rate and you'll be out of it in no time. Be brave, Jess."

"Someone take him to the infirmary!" I turn around and see Uriah laying on the training mat wincing in pain. I briskly walk towards him, eager to help my friend.

"Get back, Jess. You've hurt him enough," Lauren hisses at me. I step back astonished. I did this.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to no one in particular. I see Uriah clutching his arm and whimpering. His eyes meet mine and I see the pain they hold. I want to help, but take a step back instead. He hates me now, I know it.

Uriah tries to sit up, but instantly falls back down. I can't believe it was me who caused this. Guilt and panic swirl in my head like a tornado.

Breathe, Jess! Uriah's tough. He'll be fine, I think to myself, but what I see tells me differently.

It was a mistake, I remind myself. Just breathe. In and out. Tears drip down my face, but I force myself to continue taking breathes. I'm fine. He'll be fine. I'm Dauntless. Breathe.

My eyes soar open to find myself in the same room with Four. My whole body shakes as Four turns to face me from his computer. "Fear of causing pain? That's one I don't see often. You did good though, only seven and a half minutes."

My mind is still drifting to the image of seeing my friend hurting, so all I can do is nod.

Four allows me to sit in silence as I recover.

"I have a question. Before you went into the simulation, you said you didn't want to do this again. When was the other time?" He questions me, interrupting my silence.

"I don't know," I mutter. Four rolls his eyes.

"I need to know, Jess. Did you and some of the other initiate sneak in to practice at some point? Thinking about getting ahead start?"

I shake my head. That definitely did not happen. I couldn't imagine doing a simulation like this on my own when not mandatory.

"Then where were you?" Four insisted.

"Erudite," I mumble.

He looks at me with confusion in his eyes and opens his mouth to ask more but I beat him to it.

"Can I go now?"

He stands up and begins walking to the back door. "Go ahead. You did good today, Jess. Remember that."

I nod and scurry out the door, hoping to avoid any further conversation.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading! This was just an idea I had: a fanfic about a dauntless born who isn't as wild as some of the others. There will be some Eric/Jess in later chapters. Their relationship will develop slowly. And of course, I don't own Divergent.  
> Thank you all so much! :)  
> -Em


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